Shipwrecked July 21, 2009

I don’t want to dream that kind of dream again.

It started in a classroom setting.. My classmates were there, twas in A1A, I guess, but the exit door was in the far left corner instead of the right. When I went outside, the classroom turned into a makeshift boat, we were sailing! Then there were big waves. It was scary. There were sharks. Big sharks. I went inside the “classroom” again, it wasn’t the same classroom, it was like a part of a boat (duh?), and then I saw my family there – - – Mom, Dad, Dani, April, and Grace. Ate Christine and Jun2 were not there, though. Dad told me to look for my goggles, I couldn’t find it. I was so scared that time. Then the boat was washed away into a shallow area with lots of bamboo (aren’t they supposed to be mangrove?). Then there were rescuers but they ignored me, I don’t know why. I remember some chinese characters written in one of the posters hanging on a tree.

My cellphone beeped. I woke up. It was yeba, and it all just made it worse. I don’t want to mix th thought of shipwreck and yeba at the same time. Damn!

Can you ask the world to keep quiet? May 12, 2009

There are times when I just want to shut everything OFF. Turn off the lights, the computer, my cellphone, the telephone, and lock myself inside my room, put a large DO NOT DISTURB sign at the door and listen to the deafening sound of silence. I wish I could do that. Maybe I’m craving for silence because these past few weeks have been so topsy-turvy, I’m getting information overload! No, I don’t want tsismis. No,  I don’t want to learn something new. Not now, please…… I need to at least prepare my brain for the upcoming semester and I need a major vacation. Althogh I did have some bits of vacations over the past two months, I think something peaceful and quiet would definitely put me back to my feet again. Whew! I wish yeba’s home…

I just need to write February 20, 2009

I am hungry. I am irritated. And I am almost late. Oh. I will be late. What am I doing posting something here when the class will start in 8 minutes? I haven’t prepared myself yet. Should I go to school? I’m not ready for the class. Gosh! What’s happening to me?

The Two Faces of High School September 24, 2008

Gossip Girl and The High School Musical have invaded the world. I am not talking about teen drama here, but, I can’t help but compare the movie (High School Musical) from the tv series (Gossip Girl).

Both delve in teenager issues and both linger in highschool environment. But, the two are very different.

Maybe you also noticed the difference. First point, HSM is way wholesome than GG. Maybe it’s because HSM is produced by Disney and Disney’s been a producer of General Patronage movies. GG, on the other hand, invites a more mature audience as their highschool cast are so much more inclined into relationship issues and scandals.

HSM and GG seem to show that there are two faces of high school. Upper Eastside of Manhattan New York is way different from East High of Salt Lake City, Utah.

Second point, I would have to say that HSM pictures what parents would want their teenagers to be: no sex, no drugs, no violence, everything is so perfect except for a li’l bit of rivalry. GG pictures the elite academic institution bombarded with issues of cliques, jealousy, sex, drugs and so much intrigues.

Anyway, despite the difference, High School Musical (with an upcoming HSM 3) and Gossip Girl (which is continually airing on cwtv) both sell. And they sell millions. I am a fan of both. HSM is a feel-good movie, while GG is addictive. HSM draws me because of its music while GG’s “gossip” is very inviting.

What happened last August? September 8, 2008

It was a super busy month… And believe me, this is the only time that I’ve opened this blog since my last post. Whew! Midterms is over… We had quite a celebration last Saturday, it was, after all, Kaye’s baptism of alcohol… Hehehe…

It’s September and when it’s already in the “ber” months, we Filipinos consider it to be Christmas Season! Yepey! Gracie kept on asking mom to put up the Christmas tree and other decorations in our house. But I don’t think mom would start redecorating until after halloween.

Anyway, I have nothing else to babble.. Got to work!

Should I call this my dream blog? July 25, 2008

Hahahaha!

I don’t know what’s got into me but I’ve been posting my dreams here.. Anyway, I’ve had weird dreams for two consecutive nights now.. Are dreams supposed to be weird? I don’t know. Maybe I am just weird…

My dream two nights ago was in a  classroom setting. I was late for class. When I entered the classroom, I removed my shoes, for unknown reasons, my classmates were wearing slippers, socks or were barefeet. I was really late and the professor was conducting a recitation. When I faced the teacher, I was surprised to see that he is no less than the former president Ferdinand E. Marcos! Wow! Can you imagine being a student of a dictator? I know for sure that Marcos was a very good lawyer (he was a topnotcher and he did it on his own!). He was strict, more strict than he-who-must-not-be-named! Hahaha! It made me think, what if Marcos is still alive today? And what if he’s really one of my professors? Thinking of that questions is dreadful enough!

Last night, my dream was about a reunion. It was not really a big reunion, it was more like a gathering of old friends (and boyfriends? hehehe)… What I can remember is that we were in this big pool but there were big waves! Not like the ones on 8 waves resort, the waves were really HUGE… It’s not realistic (well, it’s just a dream). But then, I was able to remember that in that dream, I and “somebody” are really good friends… Who could that “somebody” be? Secret… Hehehe… It just feels so good to let go of anger and ill feelings… Life’s a matter of acceptance, as Thea said last night… I’m sure glad that I’ve come to accept some things in my past… And I can smile at it now… Going back to my dream, after the pool scene, we were playing volleyball in a muddy hill… Waaah! Dreams are really weird… We got muddy…

Absence July 22, 2008

“Always make your absence felt in such a way that somebody misses you. But let not your absence be so long that somebody starts learning to live without you.”

Somebody sent me that quote above. If only I received this quote two or three years earlier, then maybe, just maybe, I would’ve sent it to ***… Lol! I just hate it when I remember myself waiting patiently (or stupidly?!) for someone!

I’m still loved… July 18, 2008

I had the most awesome dream last night. I know I couldn’t leave the office today without writing this post just to preserve that little blurry memory left from my dream…. God is so good. Despite the stress and turmoil that I’ve been experiencing these past few days (or months?) that dream I had last night made me feel that I am still loved despite all my hardships. I have now set aside all my insecurities. I have realized that I really don’t have to look for that “missing piece” because I already have it with me all this time… I am just so happy…

Maybe it’s because I love her… July 15, 2008

I get angry with her easily because she doesn’t seem to care how we work it through just to make ends meet. She (almost) always gets what she wants. She demands and obliges you. It’s hard dealing with such kind of person. I don’t have a choice. And I get mad, easily, when she irritably sends me messages asking money for books, allowance, vitamins, even for her taebo classes, and various (more than one!) extra-curricular activities. She has always been like that, and I don’t think it has changed. I’ve been living with her for the past 23 years of my life and it has always been the same. Maybe I could say that she became worse, but then again, I’d rather not judge her.

Dad always said that I should be patient and considering the fact that sister’s in a far place, the least thing that we could do is to give her support by sending her her allowance (and the like). As someone who manages the family’s finances, I could barely breathe as tuition-time comes. Two children on graduate studies (I am one of those burdens since I’ve resigned from my regular job), another two children on college (good thing one is already in graduating class), one child in highschool (with monthly tuition fees to pay), and one in special education. I know it’s not my money that I’m managing and I have no right whatsoever to deprive my siblings of anything specially in their needs but I feel like the savings we have is more like a sinking fund than savings! It really stresses me out! And worse, here comes sister demanding and demanding and demanding.

Writing this blog makes me hate my sister more… As requested, I’ll send her my cellular phone, once I have the money to send it. Yes, I hate her!

Do I really hate law school? July 14, 2008

As of 8pm last night, I opened my book in Wills and Succession and then when I started reading, I just felt like I hate law school. Its very tiring. And I am so under-inspired with everything. This isn’t like me.. I am like that jumpy three-year old holding an ice cream on one hand and a balloon on the other when I first entered law school. It has always been my dream to become a lawyer but why am I so drained with this law stuff?

I have recently updated my Law School Blog, an effort to save me from this resistance. I feel like rebelding from my own self… And this really stresses me out. Do I really hate law school? If I should drop my subjects, what would happen to me? I don’t know, I don’t want to seriously ask that question to myself.

Sigh… Last night, this was what I scribbled in my notebook: “I hate law school. It may sound absurd to hear it from me but that’s what I feel right now. I’ve opened my book in an attempt to study but I don’t want to read becasue flashes of pressure and nerve-wracking classroom scenarios are running through my mind. I am not motivated, I am not inspired.”

Yeah, something’s wrong.. I am worried. This isn’t me. I always wanted to be everybody’s inspiration in reaching their goals. What’s happening to me??? Seems like I’m ready to give up with my goals.. *Sigh*